Answering Machine
by delos1108
Summary: THANKS! NEW CHAPTER IS UP! READ! REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Delos1108: **Hello everyone! Well this is my first ever published story here! I just finished playing Twilight Princess and this poped into my head. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT ONW ANY OF THE LEGEN OF ZELDA CHARATERS! **

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Ok what if the Zelda crew all had answering machines in their trailers? What would they say? Well, here I come to solve that little problem! ^_^

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Link:

Machine- Yeah, you've reached Link the Hero of Time. Sorry I can't take your call right now but please leave a message. If this is Zelda I didn't forget to save you. If this is Ganon then just know that I'm gonna beat your ass...again. *beep*

Ganon- Hey Link well I guess you all ready know that I have Zelda so yeah...See you later.

Zelda- His machine?

Ganon- Yeah.

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Zelda

Machine- Hi! You have reached the Princess of Hyrul, Zelda! Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but if you please leave a message I'll get back to you. If this is Link then I love you! If this is Ganon then I'm sorry but we're not just working out and you need to stop trying to get me. If this is any of the Six sages then don't worry the Sacred Realm is going to be remolded hopefully by this coming Tuesday. *beep*

Malon- Hey Zelda this is Malon and I was wondering if I could borrow Link for a deed because Ganon won't stop bugging me. He's asked me out like five times and I've turned him down, but he just doesn't get it! So can I please borrow your boyfriend?

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Ganondorf

Machine- Your have reached to King of Evil, Ganon! If you do not leave a message, the consequences will be dire. If this is Link, then you will have no chance beating me again! If this is Nabooru, then your disloyalty will be dealt with later. And if this Malon,...will you go out with me? *beep*

Person- Hello Mr. Ganon, this is the Hyrul Gas Company. We are calling to tell you that your gas is going to be cut off due to the unpaid bills for the past three months. If you have any question please call back at this number and have a nice day.

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Dark Link

Machine- Hi, you have reached my phone. If you're hearing this then I'm most likely fighting my good side and/or I just don't want to pick up the phone. If you don't leave a message then I most likely will not get back to you. So leave a message. *beep*

Saria- Hey babe. I'm just calling to check up on our date for this weekend. I should be home all day if not then I love you.

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Sheik

Machine- Hello, you have reached the phone of Sheik, the last of the Sheikan. I am currently helping Link rescue my sister, Zelda. If you are in need of my assistance then please leave your name and number so that I may get back to you. If you are not in need of my help then just a message, and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. *beep*

Impa- Hello Sheik, I was just calling to see if you could help me with the festival this week on Kakoriki Village? Please give me a call as soon as you can.

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Ruto

Machine- Hi you have reached the royal phone of Princes Ruto of the Zoras. If you are not Link then why are you even calling? Unless you're the pool people, of course. If this is Link then when are you coming home? As my husband you have obligations to your people and to your wife! How long am I- *beep*

Link- Ok...Sorry to burst your bubble but Zelda and I are married. So yeah...plus we were kids when this happened so it wasn't like official. Sorry. Oh, could you bring the soda for the party this Sunday?

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Poe

Machine- Hi you have reached the phone of The Poe. If I am not answering then I am probably stuck in a bottle. If you want your message answered then find the ass who stuck me in the damn bottle.

Poe Merchant- Wow, you have an interesting answering machine.

Poe- Thank you.

Poe Merchant- But I'm not going to let you out of this damn bottle.

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**Delos1108:** So what did you think? Please review and if you want to see another character that I might not have put please tell me!


	2. Chapter 2

**Delos1108:** Ok so here are some more machines for you to read! I know it's short but I hope you still like them.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Legend of Zelda characters.

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Mallon

Machine- Good day! You've reached Mallon from Lon Lon Ranch. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you. If this is Zelda, then girl's night Saturday, and thank you for letting me borrow Link. Second, if you're answering my ad for finding my dad, its ok he's back. And lastly, if the is Gannon stay away. The restraining order states to keep a minimal distance of 400 feet away…in **ALL** directions.*beep*

Gannon- Mallon! When will you finally realize that our lover will bloom?! I will never stop trying to win your heart! Nothing can stop me! Nothing! No matter how hard you try to resist it you will soon see that our lover is true! And another thing-*beep*

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Navi

Machine- Hello! Hey, this is a machine, not really me. Listen, leave a message and I'll get back to you. But look, don't leave some stupid message, or I'll annoy you for the rest of your days! Listen, if I don't get back to you with in the day, then don't call again. I will listen to your message and call you back. Hey listen, so like I said leave your message and I'll get back to you. So please leave a message if you really want me to call you back. Also, listen- *beep*

Link- Damn it Navi! I though you were annoying just to travel with, but you proved me wrong! No wonder no one likes you! I swear sometime I just want to stick you in a bottle and stick it at the bottom of Death Mountain's Creator! …And damn it you made me forget why I called!*beep*

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**Delos1108:** Hope it was ok. I know it was short, but if you want to see someone specific then tell me! R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

**Delos1108:** Ok so THANK YOU RipredIsAwesome!!!! You are the only one who told me who wanted to see. And thank you for giving me these ideas. So here you go RipredIsAwsome, these are for you.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
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**Zant**

Machine- Hello, you have reached the true ruler of the Twili Zant. I don't care what the others say I am and always will be the right full king to the Realm of Twilight. If this is Midna, I wish you would just see how much love I have for you! But because of that retched Light being named Link you won't even give me the time of day!!I really do care for I was just trying to make you see things my way that's all, so please except my love you!!! If this Master Ganon, then please give me another chance I know I can defeat the one we call Link. If this is anyone else then don't bother leaving a message, because you are not important enough for me to mention. So be off with you or I will destroy you! *beep*

Midna- Zant! I just received a phone call from the Twili Light Company complaining about bills not being paid in over six months! What hell man! I thought I told you to make sure you paid them at the end of every month! Why are you so incompetent? Now do you see why I will not go out with you?! You never remember the simple things like to pay a light bill. Now thanks to you the whole land of Twili will be in dark for a while! *beep*

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**Skull Kid**

Machine- Hi there! You have reached the Skull Kid. Sorry I can't come to phone right now. Most likely I'm with my friend playing Saria's Song. So please a message and I'll get back to you as soon a possible. Oh, and if the is that guy that sit in front of the stump waiting for some chicken then please remember to clean up when you leave. I am not your nanny and you should help take of the forest. *beep*

Person- Hola. Senior Skull Kid this the Stay Green Lawn Care Service. My name is Philip. I'm just calling to tell you that we will be out there around 10:00 am this Tuesday, and that seeing how it's your first time with us you will receive a 10% discount of your first day. Thank you and have a nice day. *beep*

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**Linebeck**

Machine- Hello, you've reached the phone of the Great Pirate Linebeck. I can't come to the phone right seeing how I might be counting all the gold I have taken. That was right fully mine I might add, all the treasure in the world belongs to me. If this is Jolene I did not steal anything…again. If you're missing any of your treasure don't come to me because it wasn't me! Granted, I may have "borrowed" a couple of coins, but I'll pay them back. And if this is the Mercay Boat Renting Service, then I will have the payments in by the end of next week. *beep*

Jolene- LINEBECK! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY YOU "BORROWED" MORE THAN A COUPLE OF COINS!!! I SEEM TO BE MISSING A WHOLE TWO CHEST FULL OF GOLD AND JEWELS!!! NOT ONLY THAT BUT I'M ALSO MISSING HALF OF MY CANONS!!!!AND I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T GET ANY LOWER!!! WHEN I FINALLY FIND YOU, YOU'LL WISH YOU'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!!!*beep*  
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**Delos1108: Review please! Ch.4 will come soon!!! **


	4. Chapter 5

**Delos1108: Ok, so here you go. A new set of characters, and I would like to thank phantomlink959 for Midna's caller and Tetra's. Also, RipredIsAwesome for the Happy Mask Guy. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!!!!!!**

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Midna

Machine- Hi! You've reached the Princess of the Twili, Midna Please leave a brief message. If this is Zant then keep away. There is no way I will ever go out with you or of you ever becoming the King of the Twili. If this is Link then I hope that we can hang out again some day in the Twilight. Lastly, if you're calling to report any misuses of the Mirror of Twilight then please leave the name of the perpetrator. *beep*

Zant- Midna, why do you always have to hurt me so! All I wanted was bring the worlds of light and dark together, was that so wrong. Sure there were some who got really hurt and I put your life in danger, but it was all for the greater good, I promise! Just please go out with me, just once and I'm sure you'll see why I did what I did. Please give me a chance. I don't know what I'd do with out you. Plus that light being Link is a no good- *beep*

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Tetra

Machine- Hey! You've reached the phone of the Great Pirate Captain Tetra. So leave ya' message and be quick about it! I have treasure that I must attend to. If this is Linebeck then what do you want? Every time you seem to call it's always something about needing help! If this is Link, then you better beware, for the next time I find you you'll be sorry. I never thought you would go and steal bombs from your friend! I was there for you when you needed it! Also, if this Jolene then yeah Tuesday sound like a good day to sail around together and pillage others. *beep*

Link- Ok, 1) I did not "steal" those bombs, I just borrowed them for when I needed to save my sister. And 2) I kind of one them fair and square. So….yeah…..that's all I have to say….I didn't so much "steal"….as I did borrow. *beep*

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Happy Mask Keeper

Machine- Good day! You have reached the office of the Happy Mask Shop. If you are interested in purchasing a mask please leave your name and number. If you are calling on returns, sorry all sales are final. Lastly, our hours are form dawn till dusk so please stop by and see all the different masks that can help bring joy to your life. *beep*

IRS- Yes, my name is Mr. Samuel. I'm calling on behalf of the IRS department. It seems like you have skipped out on you taxes for quite some time now. I am simply calling to inform you that your business will be shut down and sold if you fail to pay the required amount due which is 90,000 rupees. If you have any questions please contact me back at 456-7894-1012 thank you and have a nice day. *beep*

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**Delos1108: So? What did yall think? Review please! **


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